im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
