i would punch a child for taco bell
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She even gives head with a lisp.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
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