Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
