Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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