East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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