Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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