I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
