My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
