can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Randomize
