Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
