sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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