I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
