Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
