i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
