Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
