let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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