I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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