I puked a lego.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
