my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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