There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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