so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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