dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
