i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
did i walk over a car last night?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
