Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
