she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
