Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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