The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
