people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
