Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
