So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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