After last night, I could never be a politician.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
