There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You had me at "let me see your balls"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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