Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
