I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize