I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
