i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
