i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
