Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
