i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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