Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
