oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
