and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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