fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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