I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
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