He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
