The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
