Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
