Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
