Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
