a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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