dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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