dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
