God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
