Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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