Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
my shit smells like andre
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
