Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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