I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
