I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
