Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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