So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize