I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
