My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
