Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
