im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
