No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
pray to the hookup gods
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize