Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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