He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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