Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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