hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
