I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
