I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
