i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
