If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
