Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
