And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
