im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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