Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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