I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
