A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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