Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
That's intense
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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